When we came up with the topic for this month, we weren’t thinking that Sunday was Father’s Day. We came up with “trust,” which is big enough we could take a month of Sundays to talk about it without exhausting it. I mean, we could ask how we trust ourselves, or friends, or higher power? We could realize that some people are worthy of our trust; others not so much. But how do we know?
Well, one person who taught us about trust was our father. In my chaplain work with addicts, I’ve found that if you had a good relationship with your father, you are more likely to have a good relationship with a higher power than if you didn’t. If you didn’t, you might be stuck in fear of a higher power who seems like an all-powerful, male, and somewhat scary God, no matter how much you tell yourself that isn’t true.
What kind of father did you have? My father wasn’t around much. When I was young, my parents divorced, so I only saw my father on some weekends and on vacations. He was reliable and responsible. He could be playful, silly, warm, and kind. Overall, though, I thought of him as stern. So when I was with him, I was on my best behavior. I wasn’t fully me. It’s hard to be in close relationship with someone when you can’t really be who you are.
What did that teach me about God? Mostly that God wasn’t there. It wasn’t that God scared me or was punishing or mean. Just not so much there. Certainly, God didn’t help me through bad times. At least, I didn’t see it that way. So I learned to take care of myself.
What did you learn about God from your parents? What was your relationship with your father like? How about your mother? Moms teach us something about love and authority and what it means to be taken care of. Or not. Maybe you’ve gotten over that early influence and have embraced a higher power that is nurturing, safe, and trust-worthy. This higher power doesn’t have to be a “being.” It can be the wind, the trees, the cosmos, friendship in general, human goodness, your conscience. Have you come to a sense of peace with this? Found a way to be held and loved by something greater than yourself? Found something you can give yourself to, knowing that whatever happens, that spirit will never leave you?
What a gift to know you will never be left, never abandoned, never forsaken. How sacred.
My father died over ten years ago, so I don’t celebrate Father’s Day for him. A card for my husband, yes, but I don’t think much about my own father on Father’s Day. Not that I’ve finished my work around my father. We never totally finish our work. And yet I’ve let go of my disappointments, I’ve come to terms with who he was and what he could give me, and found peace with my relationship with him.
Perhaps it’s no coincidence that I’ve also found peace in my relationship with God. I still don’t believe in a personal God that interferes in our lives, and yet I do feel a comfort in a sense of sacred presence. May you find your own peace, with your earthly father and with that higher power that holds, sustains, and carries you through the times when you feel most alone.
In faith and fondness,
Barbara
June 2012
