One of my main sources of insight for this month’s topic of acceptance is the book Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. In her book, she describes how our country’s culture of shame instills in us self-hatred, overweening egos, addictions, and an inability to face the reality of life. Brach offers a way of healing, a way to forgive and learn to love ourselves. This way of healing is important, and in my sermon on Sunday, I’ll talk more about this.
In this column, however, I want to explore the possibility that this idea of forgiveness, self-love, and acceptance can allow us to avoid. We can avoid taking responsibility for our actions and for the suffering of our neighbor. The admonition to accept one’s lot has been used to silence the oppressed and spread the rise of fascism. Complacency can masquerade as acceptance, and complacency undermines our democracy.
To be clear, I am not critiquing Brach’s book. She addresses our human calling to give back, assist, and reach out to the world and those around us. She does not focus solely on our individual shame and despair.
And even if she did, that would not be all bad. I fully believe that if we honestly like ourselves – as opposed to being infatuated with our egos – we will naturally see the good in others. And I fully believe that if everyone in the world truly loved themselves, there would be no more hatred, oppression, greed, war, or addiction.
And I preach that message over and over – love, love, love. Nothing but love. Open our hearts, learn to feel, learn to love, and our love will heal the world. Yes, it will.
And, we’re not there yet. My longing to get to that place of healing and wholeness is its own lack of acceptance of life as it is.
At the same time, humans tend to oppress and reject others, and we will use religion, patriotism, and this doctrine of acceptance to keep down the poor, the people of color, the immigrant, the prisoner, the mentally ill, the person who is unfortunate enough to be victimized, anyone who threatens us. That threat doesn’t have to be literal, nor does it have to be physical. The threat could be to our homes, our safety, our livelihoods, our families, our televisions, our cars, our pets, our freedom, our beliefs, our world view. The threat can be real or imagined. read more
Doesn’t matter. If we feel threatened, we generally fight back, and one way we fight back, in a subtle way, is tell people to stop whining and accept their lot. Life is what it is. Go meditate and be free. Or pray. There’s no reason to vote or speak out, because it doesn’t help anyway, and besides, it’s all an illusion, or Heaven’s going to be better, or there’s no such thing as suffering, there’s only pain.
And I believe that. I really do. The doctrine of acceptance teaches us that we all experience pain. That is part of life. Even the rich experience pain. Yet, acceptance teaches us that just because we feel pain, doesn’t mean we have to suffer. Suffering is a choice. Our amount of suffering depend on the stories we tell ourselves, and the more we get lost in the past or the future, the more likely it is our pain will turn to suffering.
The danger of this is that, if everything just is what it is, if there’s no right or wrong, if we create our own reality, if we don’t have to be miserable even if we’re hungry and sick, then why try to change our situation? Why try to help anyone else? And even more important, why struggle against political powers that overwhelm and confuse us? After all, we’re still trying to get our own shit together.
I am not suggesting Tara Brach says that in her book. She doesn’t. Yet, I hear it said. I see it in action. I notice how we lull ourselves into comfort with the idea that it will all be okay in the end.
And I think it will be. But it will be okay in the end partly because, as human beings, we are creatures of relationship. And as creatures of relationship, we feel one another’s pain, which usually stirs in us compassion. And when we feel compassion, we naturally want to see everyone fed and clothed and educated, taken care of when they’re sick, have the opportunity to do work that fulfills, be accepted, and find a spiritual truth that sets them free.
So everything will be okay, not because we accept and love ourselves and the world as it is, but because out of that acceptance and love, we create the energy and the passion and the wisdom to change the world.
In faith and fondness,
Barbara
July 2012