Revenge as a Gift of Evolution It’s all about the stories we tell. After we have been attacked or abused, betrayed or exploited, we can keep our anger alive by rehearsing the offense. We might not be able to control our initial burst of emotion, but we can choose to feed it. By proclaiming our innocence and condemning the other person, we can cling to our resentment for a long time. We can successfully keep forgiveness at bay. While it’s probably better for us physiologically to soothe our anger, there are times we might want to hold onto it. If we’re trying to get away from an abusive relationship, for…
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Changing into Fire, Merging with the Tao
Changing into Fire In the latter part of the third century, an Egyptian monk named Anthony was inspired by a sermon to sell his belongings, give the money he raised to the poor, and move into the desert where he could seek communion with Jesus. Paul the Hermit already lived there, surviving on palm fruit and bread delivered by a kindly crow, but it was Anthony who gathered monks and nuns around him to live an ascetic, isolated life of devotion to Christ. [1] Over time, these religious men and women compiled sayings and stories. One of these, adapted from Joan Chittister’s book In God’s Holy Light, speaks of turning…
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The Courage to Face Our Inner Pain
What Is Courage? It is human to long for greatness. As psychotherapist Edward Tick notes, we “hunger for heroism.” [1] We want to know that we, too, can be courageous. What better way to test our mettle than in battle? Young men and women enlist in the armed forces for many reasons, but if we didn’t yearn to prove ourselves, war probably wouldn’t be possible. Governments might start wars for political or economic reasons, but if no one signs up to fight, there can be no battle. Therefore, the military has to convince the young that being a soldier – or a rebel or a terrorist – will make them…
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Bearing the Beams of Love
Our Capacity to Love Although I haven’t heard this sentiment from other than Christians, I suspect they are not the only religious people who find it hard to imagine how an atheist copes. This makes sense. After all, if you find comfort in your relationship with God, you might conclude that peace comes from this connection alone, yet I have known many atheists, and from them, I have learned that the ability to cope with hardship, to find peace in the midst of adversity, has less to do with the specifics of one’s belief than with the capacity one has to love. Of course, this begs the question, what is…
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Being Seen and Hiding No More
Shame and Being Seen Last week we talked about our shadow side, the part of our psyche hidden from our conscious mind. By living an examined life, we discover more about ourselves each day, yet we will never fully understand what lurks within the recesses of our being. We often act out of ignorance, deluding ourselves about our true purpose, feeling annoyed by the idiosyncrasies of others that – without our knowledge – touch on our own. With effort, we can mitigate our flaws, but we never avoid them completely. One way to discover our true self is to allow others to see us. This is also the only way…
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The Demon Outside Us
The Learned Man and His Shadow Hans Christian Anderson tells the story of “learned man” who moved from a cold country to a hot one, where he became listless, shrunken from the heat. It seemed his shadow also contracted, becoming smaller than it was in that stark, cold land where they’d come from. In the evening, though, as the sun went down, and the air cooled, and the lanterns were lit, the shadow spread onto the walls, coming to life again. On these evenings, from a home across the courtyard, the learned man could hear music. He never saw anyone there. Flowers grew, radiant and riotous, so he knew someone…
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The Humble Heart
Rewards for the Humble It’s a common theme in folklore, the youngest brother or sister who makes good after the older ones fail, or the reviled stepsister who earns riches through her compassion, industriousness, and obedience, while her lazy and disrespectful sibling earns beatings or tarring or death. In “Mother Holle,” a Brother’s Grimm tale, the ill-treated girl is sent by her stepmother to fetch a spindle she dropped down the well, so she jumps in. She lands, though, not in the water, but on a grassy knoll. Seeing a meadow of flowers, she walks toward it. On the way, she passes by a baker’s oven. The bread inside calls…
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Protecting the Noncompliant
A Longing for Respect On my morning walks, I often pass by a van parked in our neighborhood. Occasionally, the man who lives in it is awake, and we chat. He’s survived outside for years, having lost his home when he lost his last job. Because he gets food stamps, he eats okay, but his phone hardly ever functions, and he scrounges money to buy gasoline. Who knows where he gets the cash to buy the meth he depends on “to keep warm”? The other day, I found him pacing beside his vehicle, looking disgusted. He told me that someone had snuck into his van while he slept and stolen…
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The Place of Prayer in Happiness
The Power of Prayer Why do we pray? As a chaplain, I’ve observed that people pray for many reasons. Some seem to think prayer will protect them, or get them right with God, or solve their problems. Others pray as if out of habit. Then there are those for whom prayer seems to be sacred, a moment of true connection with something bigger, larger, grander than our own essence. Still others appear to experience grace and affection when they pray. Most of us pray for all these reasons at one time or another. For most of my life, I didn’t pray. I never thought of it, really, not even when…
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Thoughts, Actions, and the Four Agreements
A Day for Everything Every day, someone in the United States is celebrating something. There’s Avocado Day, Talk Like a Pirate Day, Bowling Day, Static Electricity Day, Puzzle Day, Sisters Day, Play Your Ukulele Day, Bunsen Burner Day, and more than a thousand others. [1] Most of these days are silly, which is fine as far as it goes, but every once in a while someone comes up with something intriguing. Take Everything You Think Is Wrong Day, which falls on March 15, or Everything You Do Is Right Day, on the 16th. What in the world are they about? After some consideration, I realized that both of them could…