Making An Ass of You and Me In my forties, during my chaplain training, I heard about the acronym A.S.S.U.M.E. It means that when we make an assumption, we make an ass of you and me. Now that was a new idea. Was my teacher saying I shouldn’t assume I know what someone else is thinking? I was intuitive. I could feel these things. Besides, it takes less time to jump to conclusions than to listen to what someone has to say or ask for clarification. If I was anything, I was impatient. Then I started visiting patients, and I discovered I had been fooling myself all this time. I…
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Chance, Randomness, and the Fault in Our Stars
The Elusive Nature of Randomness Our universe is ruled by randomness. Not that we generally acknowledge that. Most of us believe in a powerful and purposeful divine being who plans events, guides our lives, and has a mission for each of us. It’s hard for us to understand the world any other way, for our minds see patterns everywhere. We naturally create meaning out of chaos. As Leonard Mlodinow explains in his book, The Drunkard’s Walk, randomness and chance are common, yet we still imagine we can predict the future and control events that cannot be controlled. We downplay the way fortune – or misfortune – impacts our lives. [1]…
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Fathers and Our Values
The Importance of Fathers Fathers are important. Not only must they help bring children into the world, but how they interact with their children appears to have much to do with how those children feel about themselves, how they behave in the world, and how successful they are at life. I say “appears,” because fathers are only one influence in a child’s life. We are also formed by our genes, other family members, media, school, friends, religious communities, and more. Nonetheless, studies do show benefits from having a father in the house, especially one who is supportive, nurturing, and fair. Mothers offer much that fathers do, but mothers and fathers…
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Feeling Forsaken and Being Found in Psalm 22
Psalm 22 and Feeling Forsaken Psalm 22 starts with the line Jesus famously spoke as he hung on the cross: My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? (1-3) In my years as a chaplain, I have listened to many people describe how forsaken they felt, abandoned by God, alone, and afraid. Most of them blamed either God or themselves. If they felt angry at God, they often felt guilty about it. Though I never felt guilty because of it, I was angry at God for many years. Not that I blamed God for…
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Money, Money, Money
A Disease of the Heart In the 1500s, a lust for gold and silver drove the Spanish Conquistadors to feats of horror that would appall any normal human being, or at least one not caught up in the frenzy of a powerful addiction. Not unlike many for whom their drug means more than life itself, Francisco Pizarro [1] was said to be modest, gentle, and affable with his countrymen or with those who won his favor, but ruthless with any Peruvian who interfered with his passion for wealth, power, and control. [2] His compatriot and cousin, Hernándo Cortés [3] was just as obsessed. As historian Inga Clendinnentells us, he mockingly justified the theft of precious…
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Finding Our Way to Holy Relationships
Everything Is God According to A Course in Miracles, what we see and believe about the world is an illusion. Our egos inform us that bodies and minds, concrete objects and forms, are all that exists, and that each existence is a separate self. Caught up in this illusion of a vast ocean of separateness, we feel lonely, anxious, and incomplete. Therefore, we seek out something that will fulfill us, complete us, ease our anxiety, make us whole. Born into these bodies, we have forgotten that everything is of God, that everything is God. In this state of forgetfulness, we look to someone or something outside ourselves to make things…
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Mystery, Metaphor, and the Story of the Flood
When Good Turns Evil There is, within the Hebrew Bible, a tendency for that which starts out as good to become bad. God creates the world and sees it is good, but it doesn’t stay that way. He creates humans in His likeness, so can how can we be other than good, if God is good? Yet, somehow we learn to sin. There was the trickery of a serpent, the jealousy of a brother. Over and over, we humans made mistakes. As time passed and generations were born, things just got worse. The wickedness and violence of humans increased until “every inclination of the thoughts of their hearts was only…
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Moments of Change and Transformation
When Our World Turns Upside Down When I was twelve, my grandfather died suddenly, effectively leaving me without a father figure. One morning, I’d gone to school, and everything was normal. In the afternoon, when I got home, everything had changed. My world turned upside down, and I spent years empty, angry, scared, and lonely. I needed a poddley, a magical creature who helps children feel better. Most of us experience devastating change at least once in our lives. In an instant, a tragedy tears our world apart and leaves us wondering how we can go on. Whether we’re demolishing a building, ruining a relationship, detonating a bomb, starting a war,…
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Relationships, Love, and Nyneve
Healthy Relationships I’m told that some couples start out their marriage happy and stay happy the whole time they live together, easily getting along, yielding, loving, being kind and gentle, even in the mornings, but for most of us, relationships are difficult. Sometimes we have to set aside our own needs, forgive thoughtlessness, and not take ourselves so seriously. Most young people aren’t so good at this. I certainly wasn’t. In my experience, healthy relationships mature over time. Quiet, peaceful partnerships develop as we age. The early years of my own marriage were stormy. My husband and I hadn’t figured out what really mattered and what didn’t. After 40 years together,…
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Rigorous Honesty versus Opinion
Truth and Leaving According to World of Proverbs, the Slovenians have this saying: “Speak the truth, then leave immediately after.” If I had heard that proverb when I was young, perhaps I wouldn’t have lost a loyal and kind friend when I was fifteen. For my birthday that year, she had given me a book by Albert Camus. For those who don’t know Camus, he was a brooding, thoughtful, absurdist author who wrote about meaning, purpose, death, and life. I didn’t read the book. I didn’t want to read it. Not because it was dark or philosophical, but because it was nonfiction. At the time, I only read myths, stories,…
