Our Instinct to Survive and Our Need to Control At last week’s recovery church meeting we discussed a quote from Francis Weller about the shadow times, the periods when we feel afraid and vulnerable, when it seems we have fallen down into the depths. We don’t like those times, of course, yet Weller reminds us that “down is holy ground.” [1] During those moments of struggle, when our assumptions and our defenses are shattered, we have the opportunity to become free. This is a good thing. So why do we try so hard to avoid pain? Are we so desperate to feel safe? Most of us are. After all, we…
-
-
Removing Blocks to Love
We Are Love At the Universalist Recovery Church meetings, we talk a lot about love. Not long ago, we concluded that our essential nature is love. That’s not a unique idea. Many religious traditions endorse that belief, especially those comfortable with mysticism. Sufism, which is the mystical branch of Islam, is all about love. Called “lovers of God,” Sufis often speak about the blissful union between us and the divine, one that is better than the most intimate oneness between a lover and her beloved. [1] Before we were born, no separation existed between us and God. With birth, we lose the memory of that oneness. For the Sufi, our…
-
Letting Go and Protests
Enough Is Enough This week, we are exploring what it means to let go. When I envisioned this column, I thought I would write about what happens when we cling to ideas, people, objects, and resentments the way we cling to addictions. I thought I would share some stories from my work as a chaplain that showed the tragedy of letting go, and the gifts. Then George Floyd was killed and protests erupted around the country. I thought about what it means to be white in America, how we are not directly affected by the abuse, murder, slavery, incarceration, and other traumas that have beset black Americans for hundreds of…
-
Land Iguanas and the Illusion of Control
Land Iguanas and the Prickly-Pear Land iguanas on the Galapagos Islands eat centipedes and carrion, but they prefer prickly-pear fruit. Unlike their marine cousins, they can’t climb the cactus, so they stand beneath the sprawling limbs and gaze up at the pears, waiting for one to ripen and fall to the ground. This can take hours or days, yet through it all, the creature waits. [1] I first learned about this startling reptile from one of our URC members who shared his experience of seeing them sit unmoving for days at a time. From reading about the reptiles, I learned that the creatures take breaks to catch insects and copulate,…
-
Falling Into Life
Trusting the Catcher Priest and author, Henri Nouwen, loved the circus. Once, while watching some trapeze artists perform, he became so entranced that he pushed his way backstage to introduce himself to the them. After their conversation, Rodleigh, the troupe’s leader, invited Nouwen to travel with them for a week. During that time, he learned all he could about their art. One day, he asked Rodleigh about flying. Rodleigh explained that the one who releases the bar and sails toward his partner is the flier. The other is the catcher. Once launched, the flier does nothing but trust. “When I fly to Joe,” Rodleigh told Nouwen, “I have simply to…
-
Sex, Money, and Happiness
Money Isn’t Everything, But It Helps Before I read about the crow, I thought I would make a simple statement about the connection between sex, money, and happiness. It seemed reasonable to open this column with the platitude: if we seek happiness in that which is impermanent, we will end up unhappy, for that is what I have to say. Yet the crow shifted my understanding a little bit. For instance, although a happiness that depends on human relationships or financial security is precarious, for those of us living in the United States during the early part of the twenty-first century, the sentiment ignores certain realities of living in a…
-
Mother’s Day and Letting Go
Equanimity and Letting Go Many years ago, while working with a Buddhist spiritual director, I learned a lesson about letting go. Her son had committed suicide. When I saw her shortly afterwards, she appeared as calm and self-contained as ever. I asked how she managed to do that when her son had just died. She explained that he had struggled with depression and suicidal ideation for a long time. Sometimes, no matter what we do, people die from their diseases. It is part of life. Her main strategy for coping, however, was not so much to be philosophical about our existence, but to focus on living in the present moment.…
-
Letting Go and Freedom
Facing the Specter of Death I rested in the hospital recliner chair. Beside me, my fourteen-year-old son lay still, unresponsive, tubes attached, his head bandaged to cover up the incision the surgeon had made to protect his life. He wasn’t saved yet. The doctor had said his body could still give up. Had the shimmering and fragile thread that tethered him to this earth stretched to its limit? Would it snap? I didn’t try to figure it out. I didn’t even pray. I simply stayed near my child, touching his arm, surrounding him in light, and waiting. Waiting. Unable to sit every moment, I took breaks to wander through the…
