• Recovery Skills

    Honesty in the Face of Challenge

    A Cycle of Lies Let’s call her Honey. She’d gotten pregnant. Her boyfriend was thrilled; she was not. If her parents learned she’d had sex outside of marriage, they’d be crestfallen. If her conservative Christian college found out, she’d be expelled. Since she was in a special program that would allow her to get a combined bachelor’s and master’s degree in only five years, she didn’t want to transfer someplace where she wouldn’t have the same opportunity. Besides, regardless of where she studied, Honey knew how stressful it would be to raise an infant while in school, and her career was important to her. She wouldn’t jeopardize that. To make…

  • Man taking a picture of himself - to be honest, we must look at ourselves - by Jakob Owens from Unsplash
    Recovery Skills

    Being Honest with Ourselves

    Ways We Delude Ourselves None of us is completely honest with ourselves. In the same way that we can’t hear what our voice sounds like outside our own head, we can’t fully see our inner being. Our amazing brains reveal only what we’re ready to see, explain away anything that threatens our sense of self, and rationalize inconsistent behaviors. Let’s look at an obvious example of this. While at the hospital the other day, I had the honor of visiting with a woman I’ve known for a year now, ever since I was paged to the emergency room to support her family. They’d been told that in a few hours,…

  • Honesty - or not - in Appearance
    Recovery Skills

    Rigorous Honesty versus Opinion

    Truth and Leaving According to World of Proverbs, the Slovenians have this saying: “Speak the truth, then leave immediately after.” If I had heard that proverb when I was young, perhaps I wouldn’t have lost a loyal and kind friend when I was fifteen. For my birthday that year, she had given me a book by Albert Camus. For those who don’t know Camus, he was a brooding, thoughtful, absurdist author who wrote about meaning, purpose, death, and life. I didn’t read the book. I didn’t want to read it. Not because it was dark or philosophical, but because it was nonfiction. At the time, I only read myths, stories,…