Envy Versus Jealousy Most of the authors I’ve read who write about envy start by explaining the difference between it and jealousy. In Emma Varvaloucas’ introduction to the topic in Tricycle magazine, for instance, we read that jealousy arises out of the fear of losing something we have. Envy is fueled by desire and longing, a wish to have something that is not ours. [1] When I think of envy, though, I think of more than that flicker of desire that arises when a friend receives some award I wish I could have or lives a life I want to enjoy. This is a fleeting emotion, one that passes as…
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Simplicity, Thanksgiving, and Gratitude
Life is a Struggle The other day I spoke with a woman who, for the last six months, has been on light duty at her job. When she first stopped working at a position that required almost constant data entry into a computer, her elbows were so inflamed with tendinitis she had to cradle her tea cup in both hands in order to lift it to her lips so she could take a sip. Although her forearm muscles have strengthened and the discomfort has lessened, she still can’t type on a keyboard. Using a mouse brings her stabbing pain. Voice-activated technology is so cumbersome, is it pretty much useless to…
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The Chaos of Our Time, Listening, and Forgiveness
Chaos and the Naivete of Forgiveness Given the chaos breaking out across our nation and in the world, the rise of a hateful nationalism, and the brutal attacks on human decency and human lives that have been encouraged by our own president, it seems naive to write about listening and forgiveness. In less than a month there have been two major mass shootings; Christine Blasey Ford continues to receive death threats; our president has named Matthew Whitaker, a critic of the Mueller investigation, as “acting” Attorney General; and as he has always done, he undermines our democracy and foments crises that almost seem designed to divert our attention from important matters such as…
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The Journey of Empowerment
Freedom and Power Last week, I wrote about the freedom of acceptance, that which comes with surrender, forgiveness, death. No matter our circumstances, we can become a bit more free by letting go. Other kinds of freedom are connected with power. For instance, some of us have the freedom to make decisions about our own lives. Others of us have lived with freedom long enough that we recognize our emotions and feel comfortable expressing them. If we feel sad or angry, we can say so. Along with these freedoms are some that only people with external power have the luxury of exercising, such as the ability to disrupt and destroy…
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Kindness and “Projective Disgust”
Kindness in Folk Tales A common theme in folk tales is the younger brother or sister who is kind to the needy fish, or old woman, or bird and thus is rewarded, while the selfish older brother or sister is punished for being mean. The moral of such stories is that kindness pays. Today, you would think that hardly anyone had read those old stories. When I told my husband I was writing a column about kindness, he said, “You should call it, ‘Kindness is Dead.’” He was referring, of course, to the loud and angry voices of extremists so prevalent in the United States and around the world. These…
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Embracing Change
Our Dream of Paradise Idyllic worlds cannot sustain themselves. Though we long for them, and tell stories of Eden and of Heaven, no matter what myths we create, paradise is as impermanent as the wind. Ultimately, this is a good thing. In paradise there might be no struggle, or confusion, or pain, when we are perfect, we cannot change or grow. I suppose one perfect thing could transform into another perfect thing, but why? What drives us to evolve if not dissatisfaction and desire? That’s why Adam and Eve had to leave the garden. If they never experienced discomfort, they would have remained infantile forever. Like the story of Eden,…
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Fathers and Our Values
The Importance of Fathers Fathers are important. Not only must they help bring children into the world, but how they interact with their children appears to have much to do with how those children feel about themselves, how they behave in the world, and how successful they are at life. I say “appears,” because fathers are only one influence in a child’s life. We are also formed by our genes, other family members, media, school, friends, religious communities, and more. Nonetheless, studies do show benefits from having a father in the house, especially one who is supportive, nurturing, and fair. Mothers offer much that fathers do, but mothers and fathers…
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Letting Go of Obsessive Goals
As Addiction Takes Hold of Us This world provides ample opportunity for us to let go. In last month’s column on this topic, I discussed many types of letting go. This month I consider what it means to hold our dreams and goals lightly. This is not always easy. Sometimes our dreams and goals become addictive. All mammals, humans included, have evolved to take pleasure in the many substances and activities we need to survive, such as water, sweets, fat, sex, learning, and caring relationships. When we feel pleasure from a behavior, we learn to repeat it. When we get hungry or thirsty or lonely, we seek out that which…
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Memorial Day and Healing Our Souls
Giving Away Our Wealth Jesus spoke of sacrifice. For instance, as Stephen L. Carter reminds us in his book Civility, there was the time Jesus told the rich man that to get into heaven, he would have to give away all his belongings. As one might expect, the man could not bring himself to do so. From this we learn that wealth can become an idol, distracting us from our true work which, according to Carter, is to love and serve the divine. We also learn about the importance of sacrifice. We’re encouraged to give up whatever gets in the way of union with the divine. Lest we think that, because…
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Pentecost and Spirit Guides
The Christian Pentecost According to the Book of Acts, when the disciples gathered to celebrate the Hebrew festival of Pentecost, the Holy Spirit descended on them in a form like fire, and She filled them with the power of speaking in tongues and prophesying. The apostle Peter spoke with such passion that thousands felt compelled to repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Thus the Christian church was born. If this had been the first time humans had ever felt the touch of something awesome and spiritually terrifying, Peter would probably have had a hard time convincing his audience that Jesus was worth worshiping. Yet when we…