Revenge as a Gift of Evolution It’s all about the stories we tell. After we have been attacked or abused, betrayed or exploited, we can keep our anger alive by rehearsing the offense. We might not be able to control our initial burst of emotion, but we can choose to feed it. By proclaiming our innocence and condemning the other person, we can cling to our resentment for a long time. We can successfully keep forgiveness at bay. While it’s probably better for us physiologically to soothe our anger, there are times we might want to hold onto it. If we’re trying to get away from an abusive relationship, for…
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The Demon Outside Us
The Learned Man and His Shadow Hans Christian Anderson tells the story of “learned man” who moved from a cold country to a hot one, where he became listless, shrunken from the heat. It seemed his shadow also contracted, becoming smaller than it was in that stark, cold land where they’d come from. In the evening, though, as the sun went down, and the air cooled, and the lanterns were lit, the shadow spread onto the walls, coming to life again. On these evenings, from a home across the courtyard, the learned man could hear music. He never saw anyone there. Flowers grew, radiant and riotous, so he knew someone…
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Healing and Unconditional Love
Love without Conditions This column about unconditional love may be difficult to read, especially now when Valentine’s Day turns our minds to romance, flowers, and chocolate. The love expressed in greeting cards tends to be schmaltzy, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Diamonds and sweet treats can compliment the faithfulness, determination, and strength that forge a love that can stand up to hardship and mockery. As we read in First Corinthians: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.…
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Little Bighorn and Healing from Our Past
The Beginning of the Great Sioux War In 1876, the United States started a new war with the Sioux Nation. They had been fighting off and on since the 1850s, but this was the final series of battles. Though the natives defeated Lt. Col. George Armstrong Custer at the Battle of Little Bighorn, slaughtering over half the troops who fought with him, a year later, in 1877, the United States military defeated them. Even though the 1868 Treaty of Fort Laramie guaranteed they could remain in the Black Hills in perpetuity, the Indians surrendered their lands and retired to the reservation. [1] So when did the hostilities start? Did this…
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MLK and Restoring Justice
Speaking Out for Justice As we celebrate the ministry of Martin Luther King, Jr., we like to repeat his dream that one day his four children “will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character,” and that one day, even in Alabama where the racists are vicious, “little black boys and little black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and little white girls as sisters and brothers.” [1] He speaks of a glorious future when equality and freedom will flourish, from coast to coast and in every state. His words are poetic, passionate, and they fill us…
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Fairness and the Need to Repair the World
It’s All the Same In my work as a chaplain, I often meet with patients who are suffering. Many are trying to come to terms with a sudden, debilitating illness. Young parents dying of cancer wonder how they will bear to leave their families. Homeless patients, still convalescing, end up back on the streets, scrabbling for assistance that can’t be found. Over and over, people tell me that it isn’t fair. They’re right, of course. Everyone knows life isn’t fair. So we invent stories to ease our pain. There’s a reason this happened, we might tell ourselves. We need to learn something, or God has something better in store for…
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On Turning and the New Year
Coming Together Around Suffering Few of us will be sorry to see 2020 go. Although some of us have remained financially secure, barely noticing the isolation or natural disasters or political upheaval, for most of us, this year has been filled with loneliness, uncertainty, anger, boredom, and despair. To cope, some people have numbed themselves with substances or other addictions. Protests have turned violent as people feel powerless in the face of repeated assaults. Domestic violence has escalated, as have mental health crises, suicides, and homicides. It has been a year of suffering. Of course, stress is always with us. Suffering is part of life. Indeed, if there were no…
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Gratitude Amidst Oneness
Our Instinct to Survive We humans are born with an instinct to survive. When our lives are threatened, we get anxious and fight back or seek assistance. That’s because we perceive ourselves to be separate individuals. Many of us understand ourselves to be unique and valuable, as well. Even if we believe in a life after death, we tend to want to preserve our individual, unique, and valuable self. A number of religions, such as Buddhism, Hinduism, and Pantheism, teach that this belief in an individual self is an illusion. If so, it is an illusion that has a purpose. It keeps us going in the face of hardship and…
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Healing Ourselves and Our Nation
Our Hurting Nation Our need for healing is evident. Like much of the rest of the world, we in the United States are in the midst of a pandemic that is overwhelming our capacity to provide care for the sick. Even if we will soon be able to control the virus physiologically, we will continue to reel from the emotional wounds the illness has wrought. Some of our elected officials have minimized the suffering this disease has caused, and minimizing intensifies pain. Because of the virus, tens of millions of people have lost jobs, and barely half of them have found new ones. [1] Social isolation has increased the incidence…
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The Stoics, Virtue, and Happiness
The Stress of These Times For anyone who has paid attention, this 2020 presidential election has been stressful. Now that we have a winner – and a loser – perhaps we can breathe. Yes, our current president is seeking salvation in the courts, but that’s not likely to happen. The threats of his followers may turn to violence, but the police and national guard are preparing themselves. The voting process was more peaceful than some of us feared. I suspect the transition in the White House will be as well. Around the country, there are calls for healing. It’s a wonderful idea, and I hope our next president and his…