Should We All Choose a Simple Life? Many of us in our hectic societies long to live a simple life, but not everyone is attracted to simplicity. Some people prefer wildness and passion, the frenetic dashing from here to there, the unexpected marvels of unknown lands. The young especially enjoy the thrill of adventure and the promise of power, though some of us never outgrow our grasping for the glittering things of the world. Others of us love chaos. Some people choose to have many children. Then they encourage their children’s friends to join them, preferring the noise of the horde over the anxiety of wondering where their children are.…
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Honesty in the Face of Challenge
A Cycle of Lies Let’s call her Honey. She’d gotten pregnant. Her boyfriend was thrilled; she was not. If her parents learned she’d had sex outside of marriage, they’d be crestfallen. If her conservative Christian college found out, she’d be expelled. Since she was in a special program that would allow her to get a combined bachelor’s and master’s degree in only five years, she didn’t want to transfer someplace where she wouldn’t have the same opportunity. Besides, regardless of where she studied, Honey knew how stressful it would be to raise an infant while in school, and her career was important to her. She wouldn’t jeopardize that. To make…
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All Kinds of Freedom
The Freedom of Innocence Freedom comes in many forms. For instance, there is a freedom in the innocence of a child. My one-year-old grandson has started laughing. Watching the cats play, he laughs. Noticing the adults in his life move or clap or tap their foot, he laughs. Gazing at the sky, the trees, the air itself, he laughs. When when he laughs, we laugh, too. He has discovered a new game. How joyful is this innocent freedom he radiates. He knows nothing of floods, supreme court confirmation hearings, sexual abuse, war, murder, lead in drinking water, poverty, poachers, hunger, illness, or plague. All he knows is what he sees, hears,…
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Kindness and “Projective Disgust”
Kindness in Folk Tales A common theme in folk tales is the younger brother or sister who is kind to the needy fish, or old woman, or bird and thus is rewarded, while the selfish older brother or sister is punished for being mean. The moral of such stories is that kindness pays. Today, you would think that hardly anyone had read those old stories. When I told my husband I was writing a column about kindness, he said, “You should call it, ‘Kindness is Dead.’” He was referring, of course, to the loud and angry voices of extremists so prevalent in the United States and around the world. These…
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Mother’s Day and Letting Go
Equanimity and Letting Go Many years ago, while working with a Buddhist spiritual director, I learned a lesson about letting go. Her son had committed suicide. When I saw her shortly afterwards, she appeared as calm and self-contained as ever. I asked how she managed to do that when her son had just died. She explained that he had struggled with depression and suicidal ideation for a long time. Sometimes, no matter what we do, people die from their diseases. It is part of life. Her main strategy for coping, however, was not so much to be philosophical about our existence, but to focus on living in the present moment.…
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On Being Good Enough
A Ugandan Tale Retold by Sophia Lyon Fahs Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Kumba who did not know he was good enough. [1] He was small and couldn’t keep up with the other boys. They beat him in games and teased him. Feeling humiliated and frightened, Kumba took to playing by himself. This only made things worse, though, because he was still afraid, and now he was also lonely. It got so he didn’t dare try to do anything because he feared people would laugh at him. He couldn’t bring himself to try shaping clay vases and bowls like his father, because he knew his pottery…
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The Serenity to Accept What Is
The Serenity Prayer In the “Serenity Prayer,” theologian Reinhold Niebuhr asks for the serenity to accept what cannot be changed. [1] Many of us have a hard time with such acceptance. When we feel powerless, we often struggle to regain our footing, hoping to set things right, at least by our definition of “right.” In my work as a hospital chaplain, for instance, I often meet with people whose bodies are falling apart. All the interventions at the medical team’s disposal cannot stop the disintegration of their lives. Patients and family feel angry, sad, and afraid. Sometimes, they lash out at staff, blaming doctors for their illness or chastising nurses…
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Happiness and Pleasure
Depression We can learn a lot about happiness from folk tales. You may know the one from Italy, “The Happy Man’s Shirt.” In it, a king’s son suffers from sadness. He lies in bed all day, stares out the window. He sighs, he won’t eat, he barely talks. Concerned, the king tries to cheer up his son with games, jokes, parties, and tournaments. It doesn’t work. “What’s the matter with you?” the king asks. “Are you in love with someone who does not love you back?” No, the boy is not in love, nor is he physically sick, though he grows thin and weak, and the king is afraid he’ll…
