Voiceless and Invisible Throughout the world, women lack a voice. Even in the United States, where women have made inroads into commerce and leadership, factions are doing their best to shackle them and contain their power. Some men seem unable to abide a strong, independent, successful woman. They think they need to tear her down. They abuse and threaten her and try to control her body. This can traumatize and overwhelm a woman, but it is possible to point out oppression. One can respond to jibes. When a woman is not seen or heard, however, she becomes invisible. She is rendered powerless. Many women in the Bible were unseen and…
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Shame, Shamelessness, and the Power of Love
The Evil of Shame The inquisitive engineer in our group asked, “Are love and shame opposites?” After a few moments of discussion, we tabled the topic until now. So here we are again, wondering how love and shame might be connected, or not. As I researched and reflected on this topic, I came to the conclusion that shame isn’t the opposite of love; shamelessness is. To understand shamelessness, however, we must first understand shame. Shame is that gut-wrenching experience of being found out, of having our nakedness – whether figurative or literal – revealed. Yes, we can feel shame in private, and we certainly can experience a fear of being…
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Compassion, Pity, and Helpfulness
Why Help? As social creatures, we humans help one another. For their book, How Can I Help?, Ram Dass and Paul Gorman collected stories and wrote reflections about many aspects of helping. [1] Their book starts by describing a time when we lived in communities and helped our neighbors because the need arose and we were there. One simply pitched in. But helping has never been that simple. Some of us feel another person’s pain and want to relieve it, while others of us help out whether we empathize or not. Maybe we feel guilty or ashamed if we don’t help, or we’ve always done what society or our family…
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Falling and Faithfulness
The Pain of Falling It hurts to fall. Sometimes, when the pain of falling is intense, we lose our faith. Part of what a chaplain does is to sit with those who have crashed and shattered. If we’re lucky, we can offer them the possibility of a way back home, to a new kind of wholeness. We invite them to see, in the distance, a glimmer of a path. Recently, I was struck by the intensity of the fear and agony described by one woman with whom I visited. She had been doing fine, her life drifting along like a lazy river. Now and then, troubles bubbled into a whirlpool…
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Land Iguanas and the Illusion of Control
Land Iguanas and the Prickly-Pear Land iguanas on the Galapagos Islands eat centipedes and carrion, but they prefer prickly-pear fruit. Unlike their marine cousins, they can’t climb the cactus, so they stand beneath the sprawling limbs and gaze up at the pears, waiting for one to ripen and fall to the ground. This can take hours or days, yet through it all, the creature waits. [1] I first learned about this startling reptile from one of our URC members who shared his experience of seeing them sit unmoving for days at a time. From reading about the reptiles, I learned that the creatures take breaks to catch insects and copulate,…
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Finding Significance
Four Human Needs There are many ways to understand a human life. Theories abound about how we navigate the stages and cycles that make up our existence, whether we focus on psychological development, spiritual growth, or financial well-being. In Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, Stephen Covey wrote about four human needs: survival, stability, success, and significance. [1] Motivational speakers such as Zig Ziglar and Joseph Stumpf have created a hierarchical system from that idea that focuses on our financial health. They appear to be making a good living telling people how to move from one stage to the next. Encouraging others to take responsibility for their lives, these men…
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Seeing God in Everything
God in Everything Bede Griffiths, the monk and Hindu spiritualist, wrote, “I was no longer the centre of my life, and therefore I could see God in everything.” [1] What does it mean to be the center of our lives? How do we stop doing living there? How do we learn to see the mystery that lies beneath the surface of the simplest things, like the wind jostling the branches of the kiwi vine, the red-breasted house finch plucking seeds from the borage, the sweetness of butter on toast, the stickiness of clay? Even within the sharpness of ice, the roughness of dirt, the coarseness of fitful snores there is…
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Our Natural State of Altruism
Is Altruism Real? Some people claim that altruism is a myth, that we humans do nothing except that it serves our own ends. True, there are those who calculate the value for themselves of everything they do, whether benevolent or hurtful. They don’t understand that altruism feels good. It boosts endorphins, increases oxytocin levels, and sends dopamine to our dopamine receptors, but only if we act out of a true desire to help and heal. [1] Perhaps those who discount altruism do so because they have no such desire, so have no idea what it feels like. Concerned more with their own reputation or financial well-being, their own comfort or…
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Present Moment, Wonderful Moment
Living in the Present Moment In Bone Crossed, by Patricia Briggs, the main character, Mercy Thompson, is captured by a cruel and violent vampire. To manage her fear as she waits in a cage for the torment she knows will come, she reminds herself to stay focused on the present moment. She won’t let herself think about the past or the future, not even the next second. Whenever she finds herself imagining what might happen, she snaps herself back to this instant, to what she sees and hears and smells. She doesn’t even allow herself to judge or analyze what she’s experiencing. That way, she can avoid the thoughts that…
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On Faith and Privilege
Wealth and Piety Being poor doesn’t guarantee a strong nor an honest faith, but something in a precarious existence opens us up to religious devotion. The opposite can also be true. When we have prestige and wealth, we depend less on others, whether they are human or divine. Although the well-off and privileged may feel less need for a god who loves and holds them, many wealthy people attend religious services. This doesn’t prove they’re believers, of course. We go to churches, synagogues, and temples for many reasons, not all to do with faith. Still, the rich can be as pious as anyone else. They may pray and feel relief…