A Sad Bridegroom The story dates from Medieval days, a Jewish cautionary tale told for those who seek the secrets of the gods. It does more than warn us about the dangers of hubris, however. “The Bird That Sang to a Bridegroom” also suggests that once we see the true nature of the universe, we cannot remain on earth. Normal human relationships will be impossible, and God will send Death to bring us home. It is as if, once enlightened, we might feel a generalized love for all humanity, but our individual loves will fade. In this tale, a couple have just gotten married. The bridegroom escorts his new wife…
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The Holding Power of Mindfulness
Finding Peace Once a week, I lead a spirituality group at a residential treatment program. The theme of the group is finding peace. We look at how spiritual practices, stillness, and a connection to something vast and sacred can bring us serenity. Sometimes I liken the idea of peace to that of being held. Regardless of what is going on around us, of how we feel, something tender and kind can carry us through each moment. Whether we’re angry, lonely, scared, sad, or hopeless, we can tap into a peaceful presence. We might call this equanimity. Of course, equanimity may be overrated. Not everyone considers inner peace to be a…
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Grateful for Everything
For Everything in Our Lives Lyricist Bruce Findlow, in his song, “For All that Is Our Life,” said that we should offer “thanks and praise” for everything that happens to us. Whether it’s sorrow, failure, fear, or other pain we experience, we should be grateful. [1] He’s not the only spiritual teacher who has proclaimed this. For instance, Rumi, in his poem “The Guest House,” tells us to “welcome” everything that comes to us, and not just welcome it, but also “entertain” it. Each experience is a guest whom we should treat with hospitality. No matter if that guest is a sadness so deep it takes from us all the…
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Choosing Redemption, Choosing Life
Choosing Redemption Last month, while talking about forgiveness and redemption at the Recovery Church circle, the question came up of whether or not we can be redeemed from God’s love. Hearing that phrase, I imagined a demon bargaining with God to gain control of some poor peasant’s soul, as if God were in the business of buying and selling. Originally, redemption meant to buy back what one had sold. In ancient Mesopotamia, as Robert C. Ellickson and Charles DiA Thorland point out, life was precarious. Families were vulnerable to “crop failures, illness, and attack by pillagers.” [1] Families often had to borrow money, then were unable to pay it back.…
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Does God Feel Grateful?
Does God Feel Gratitude? Although we start each of our Sunday-afternoon circles with a particular topic, one can never be certain what we will end up talking about. For instance, we once got sidetracked when one of our members asked, “Does God feel gratitude?” How do you answer a question like that? First, what do we mean by “God”? Second, even if we could define that ultimate entity, how can we understand its experiences? After all, we don’t know that the Divine has emotions, at least as we understand them, and gratitude, as I am defining it, is an emotion. Which brings us to our third question: what is gratitude,…
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No Forgiveness In Buddhism
In Buddhism, There Is No Forgiveness A few months ago, I attended a webinar in which the presenter stated that, in Buddhism, there is no forgiveness. This was not an idea I’d heard before. Because the presenter did not explain what she meant by this, I tried to guess. Could it be that if we dwell in the present moment, the past is gone, so forgiveness is unimportant? I thought of the story of the two monks who were walking along a road. They came to a river. There stood a woman, dressed in finery, looking uncertainly at the rushing water. She asked the monks to carry her across. The…
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High Holy Days and Redemption
High Holy Days Religions teach us about contemplation, stillness, and prayer. They remind us that some days are holy and should be set aside. During Yom Kippur, for instance, observant Jews avoid work. They fast and pray together, spending the day at their synagogue. They apologize for the sins they have committed that year and seek forgiveness. The day’s liturgy encourages inner reflection and renewal. One day at the hospital, shortly before Yom Kippur, a staff member stopped me to share a dilemma she faced. She had mixed up the calendar and forgotten to ask to have Yom Kippur off from work. Every year on this holiday, she fasted and…
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Our Plans and God’s Laughter
The Ultimate Joke As others before me have said, death is the ultimate joke. [1] At birth, and for years afterward, we imagine we have eternity to walk, sing, and build towers of metal or of ideas. We scurry through our lives, hoping to make a difference to at least one person, to touch and be touched. We have dreams, and some of us manage to fulfill them. Yet even fulfilled dreams are not the end. Indeed, death’s absurdity may be hardest for those who complete what they set out to accomplish, for when they reach their destination, there’s nothing left. To keep going, one must find a new goal.…
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Balance and the Autumn Equinox
Where Is the Balance? The equinox is a time of balance, when night and day are equal. In that moment of symmetry, all is well with the world and with the heart. For an instant, at least, there is calm. Or so I imagine. In reality, I fly through the equinox like though any other day, managing a smattering of exercise, scraping together enough food to keep me well, cleaning when I must, and creating when I can. In between, I snatch moments for rest and relationship. Time passes in a blur. Balance eludes me. Not everyone feels out of balance because of busyness. Some people are bored. The seconds…
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Compassion, Pity, and Helpfulness
Why Help? As social creatures, we humans help one another. For their book, How Can I Help?, Ram Dass and Paul Gorman collected stories and wrote reflections about many aspects of helping. [1] Their book starts by describing a time when we lived in communities and helped our neighbors because the need arose and we were there. One simply pitched in. But helping has never been that simple. Some of us feel another person’s pain and want to relieve it, while others of us help out whether we empathize or not. Maybe we feel guilty or ashamed if we don’t help, or we’ve always done what society or our family…