Tragedy and Faith The man had lost everything. His four brothers had died, as had his parents. A few weeks ago, his marriage fell apart. When his wife left him, she took the dog. He had no children. Sick and unable to work, his income was limited, and he couldn’t pay his rent. Now he was in the hospital. He felt scared and overwhelmed. Once up a time, he believed in God. He’d grown up Christian, but the message he heard was that if you believed in God and prayed for what you needed, God would take care of you. He explained to me how, after hearing that promise, he…
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From Suffering to Love
Seeking Relief from Suffering “Why shouldn’t people suffer?” one of our members asked during a sharing circle. “Maybe that’s why they’re good people.” The question of why suffering exists often comes up as we explore together what it means to be human, ponder how we can better serve the common good, and consider how to help our hearts grow in empathy. Suffering can help us develop kindness and compassion, but that doesn’t mean we like it. If God is real, and if She has anything to do with love, we wonder how She can allow her creatures to experience so much pain? It may be, as our group member suggested,…
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Living with Chronic Pain
Making Pain Worse Her pain was excruciating. She’d had two surgeries in as many days, and the stabbing, stinging ache she felt was worse, she said, than childbirth. She was scared, too. Not only could she barely move her legs, but she had a fever. She worried something terrible was wrong with her, but the staff dismissed her complaints. To make things worse, her doctor was already trying to wean her off the pain medication, as if she were a drug addict. She felt desperate, abandoned, and judged. Old traumas surfaced. Although she would “never” do anything to hurt herself, she prayed for God to take her. She wanted to…
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J.B. and the Triumph of Love
Job’s Story You may know the story of Job. A pious citizen, he had been blessed by God with wealth, a large family, a lovely home, and many animals. One day, when Satan came with the other heavenly beings to God’s court, God boasted of his “servant” Job. Satan responded that anyone would be as faithful as Job if they’d been so blessed. “But stretch out your hand now, and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face” (Job 1:11). So, in a move that seems more human than divine, God gave Satan permission to take from Job all that he had. And Satan did.…
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Healing from Trauma
The Trauma of Coronavirus We live in a time of worldwide trauma. Not that this is new. After all, for as long as we have written down our histories, and perhaps before that, when all we had was an oral tradition filled with myths and violent gods, we humans have violated and terrorized one another. The coronavirus has merely made this more visible, at least to those of us whose lives are simple and orderly and safe. Now we are all in danger. An invisible virus is sickening and killing us. Our economies are falling apart. Stuck at home, lonely, bored, our tempers frayed, it seems our lives are unraveling.…
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Trusting in the Process
Losing to Win Sometimes you’ve got to lose before you win. At least, that seems to be Sam Hinkie’s belief. Between 2013 and 2016, he was the manager of the 76ers, a basketball team from Philadelphia. During that time, he came up with the phrase “trust the process” to encourage patience in those who doubted his strategy. In an article about Hinkie, Jason Wolf quoted him as saying you have to “start with an end in mind.” [1] That’s what he was doing with the 76ers. During their yearly draft, the National Basketball Association rewards losing teams with first choice from among the incoming college recruits. To exploit that tradition,…
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Humility and Walking in Another’s Shoes
Walking in Each Other’s Shoes Early in my chaplaincy, when I worked on a detox unit where residents shared rooms, I helped a young, white man wrestle with his racism. Having been housed with a black man, he felt a mixture of disgust, anxiety, guilt, and a burgeoning respect. He discovered it is easy to hate someone you don’t know. Up close, hatred is a little harder. Our stories teach us about who we are. They also reveal who others are, both the stories they tell and the ones we tell about them. If we’re open to hearing another person’s story, we may find we identify with him in ways…
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Nothing Is Personal and the Book of Job
Staring with Job Job took nothing personally. You know Job. He was the “blameless and upright” man from the Hebrew Bible “who feared God and turned away from evil” (Job 1:1). Blessed with a fine home, ten children, many servants, and thousands of sheep, camels, oxen, and donkeys, he was one of God’s favorites. Then one day, God bragged to Satan about how much Job feared and honored Him. “There is no one like him on the earth,” said the deity, “a blameless and upright man” (Job 1:8). Satan wondered if this was really true. “Does Job fear God for nothing?” he asked. “You have blessed the work of his…
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Mother’s Day and Letting Go
Equanimity and Letting Go Many years ago, while working with a Buddhist spiritual director, I learned a lesson about letting go. Her son had committed suicide. When I saw her shortly afterwards, she appeared as calm and self-contained as ever. I asked how she managed to do that when her son had just died. She explained that he had struggled with depression and suicidal ideation for a long time. Sometimes, no matter what we do, people die from their diseases. It is part of life. Her main strategy for coping, however, was not so much to be philosophical about our existence, but to focus on living in the present moment.…
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The Search for Enlightenment
Asking Questions Who wants to be enlightened? When I first thought about this topic, I assumed everyone wanted to be. After all, what else is life for? Then I realized that most people could probably care less about it. After all, most of us don’t even know what enlightenment means. I’m not sure I know. So if people don’t want enlightenment, whatever that is, what do they want? I guess that depends on the person and, perhaps, the moment. So is there no common, human desire? Maybe we all want happiness. Okay. What do I mean by happiness? Happiness and Impermanence I think happiness and enlightenment are related. The Buddhist…